if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Watching her eat just hurts me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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