she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
