this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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