just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
