Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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