I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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