Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
