wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
