i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
