I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
