You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
