when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
