you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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