I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
