i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
