tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
