if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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