Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
