I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
