so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
