you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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