Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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