Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have feelings that need drinking.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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