you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
