Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
