i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
