No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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