you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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