i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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