maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
