I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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