I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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