He uses pillows to masturbate.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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