brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
