my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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