she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
