I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
