i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
