i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
