if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
