Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
