there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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