How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
