Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
