This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
