in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
