My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found a bag of teeth...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
