I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
