can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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