I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
