HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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