Me too!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
