I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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