it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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