HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
