Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ttyl tear gas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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