I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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