you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they call him Oral-B. enough said
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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