It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
