Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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