there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
