I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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